Nightmare, a poem by Tabatha

The taste of your lips,

The cold of your touch.

You smile at me, burn my face

With your lava fingertips.

Your mouth opens to speak,

Smooth caramel colored lava covers my ears,

Razor blades slash at my arms.

I walk into your black painted room,

My body a grey color and yours the only colorful one.

We talk a bit,

Each word I feel a nagging at my arm.

The trigger now pulled,

You lie back on your bed.

White splattered on the wall,

All over me and my gaping mouth.

Your body looks unharmed and peaceful.

I walk away backwards stepping quietly in horror.

You stand and slowly follow,

I see your eyes of pure white,

Your grin of rotting teeth and bleeding gums stops the breath in my chest.

I start to run and you slash at my legs

With your sword of lies.

I hit the ground and you decapitate me with that wicked smile on your face.

My head rolls to the bedside, mouth open and my face pained.

My eyes cry black tears,

Blinking through them I see you.

We are sitting in your room again,

Nothing out of the ordinary.

I frown and you laugh “What’s the matter babe”?

I see the familiar sparkle in your eyes and feel the caramel smooth drawl of yours that charms me every time.

I sigh softly and lie back,

Just a dream.. just a really bad dream.

I gaze up to the ceiling and turn my head to face you.

Your eyes begin to melt as you laugh,

Smelling of death and sin.

You reach out and touch my face,

Burning my face like charcoal.

I began to scream and wake alone in the dark.

I lie awake afraid to sleep..

Ever again..

(C) Tabatha Goughneour August 2004

Deep in my mind, a poem by Tabatha

Soft to the touch, your hair falls in your eyes.

I brush it back and kiss your forehead.

I catch myself staring into your eyes and losing myself in them.

There’s so much beauty in your eyes.

I feel drawn to lean in close and feel your breath on my lips.

Your hand moves slowly up my body, tracing every curve and valley like you want to remember every part of me.

I don’t stop you, I love the way you touch me.

The way you pay attention to every part of me drives me crazy.

I lean close again to take your earlobe in my mouth, then move to your neck to place my lips gently there.

Your heartbeat speeds up, I can feel it thumping eagerly.

Your hand reaches my shoulder, sending tingles down my spine.

We share a kiss and I pull away biting your lip.

Holding back is not my strong suit, but I want to take my time with you.

You navigate to my neck, sending more shivers as I feel your lips hot and moist.

I reach down and touch your face, cupping your chin with my hands and kiss your forehead and each eyelid.

You laugh like this is bizarre.

You don’t even know how hard I am holding back.

I feel your cold fingertips and place your hands in mine to warm them.

We pull away to take a breath,

I see your soul through your eyes,

They are a portal to everything you want to say, everything you have said and what you are about to do next.

I stare at your lips to keep myself at bay,

Soft, inviting and I can’t help but reach out,

Touching them with a finger I trace your nose and marvel at how wonderfully you were created.

From the depths of your soul to your beautiful sculpted nose.

I could paint you with my eyes closed, I thought.

I could become blind at this very moment and know every inch of your body.

You are my cloud nine tonight.

I love being here with you driving each other crazy and slowing down to enjoy..

Every..

Moment.

The candle flickers next to the bed,

Your shirtless frame inches from me.

I yearn to show you how much you mean to me,

I kiss your fingertips and make you smile.

That smile..

That brought me to your side the moment I met you.

That smile that runs through my head late at night,

Your eyes seem to glow in the candles soft glow,

I can’t breathe in anticipation..

“Tabatha? Wake up!”

I open my eyes to realize I am lying in bed..

Alone.

I can still feel your lips on mine..

It was all a dream,

For now.

Dreaming of you deep in my mind.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2008

My Sunshine

The moment I laid eyes on you,

My world changed forever.

Colors became instantly brighter,

Smells and sounds more intense.

It was like living life through a different lens.

My every move, every breath was for you and your happiness.

They put you in my arms after you were born, your tiny body weighing only six pounds.

I remember being so afraid,

So afraid I would hold my precious jewel wrong or not be the Momma you hoped for.

Now I live every day to be the Momma you hoped for.

My reason for living became clear to me,

And I vowed to never leave your side,

To make you happy and comfortable in life ,

And support you in whatever you wanted to do.

 

I would spend hours just breathing you in,

Kissing your baby smooth forehead and playing with your beautiful blonde locks in between my fingers.

I would hold you close and feel your little heartbeat and smile to myself at how lucky I am.

The word “love” took on an entirely new meaning the moment you entered my life.

With that love, I promise I will love you unconditionally, support you in your dreams and help you see how wonderful you are always.

You just never cease to amaze me with your intelligence and how quickly you learn.

You make my heart swell with pride because you have such a kind heart and care for those around you.

You are caring, always offering a hug when you feel someone is sad with your little arms and kissing their hand or cheek.

I couldn’t have asked for a better son,

My sunshine.

I look forward to watching you grow into a man,

I know you will do big things, Luke.

Always believe in yourself,

Don’t have regrets because we all make mistakes and live life to the fullest with your eyes full of wonder and love.

You are stronger than you will ever know and can do anything your little heart desires,

don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Cherish your big heart and guard it when needed.

I will always be here for you my sunshine.

You are my heart living outside my chest. You are my world and my life.

Love Momma,

Tabatha

(C) Tabatha Goughneour March 2019

 

My love for Pablo Neruda

One of my favorite poets of all time is Pablo Neruda. His poetry speaks to me in ways that I cannot put words to and he has a way of bringing forth so many feelings and thoughts from me. I love to read his work when I am in need of some healing or inspiration for whatever I am going through so I wanted to share one of my favorites here.

It is called “Sonnet XVII”

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, 
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. 
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, 
in secret, between the shadow and the soul. 

I love you as the plant that never blooms 
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; 
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, 
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body. 

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. 
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; 
so I love you because I know no other way 

than this: where I does not exist, nor you, 
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, 
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

by Pablo Neruda

https://m.poemhunter.com/poem/sonnet-xvii/

So incredible …

Darkness, a poem by Tabatha

The darkness is calming,

I love to sit in my dark room

Listening to music soft and slow.

Why is everyone afraid of the dark?

It makes me feel serene,

Nothing to see but the black emptiness, cold but full of a quiet unlike any other.

It’s easy to think about things in the darkness,

There’s nothing to advert my thoughts,

No one can see me and I can’t see them.

The only sound other than music is my breathing and the sound of my heart

Beating eagerly in my chest.

Why must we always have a light on?

We could see the beautiful stars,

The reflection of the moon on the river

If you would be willing to enjoy this darkness.

Look out at the city below and all their lights,

They have their joy and I have mine.

In the darkness I blend in,

No one can gawk at me like I’m a freak,

I don’t have to deal with the stares, all the eyes:

It’s just me with the best camouflage for this kind shade of light.

Me and my heartbeat

Me and my breathing.

Come, join me in the darkness and let’s melt away with the quiet still of the night;

Letting our hands clasp and our hearts beat as one.

In the darkness.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2004

Little boy meets teacher, a poem by Tabatha

Life as we know it ceases to exist,

All for the little boy who cries.

He is in pain, he doesn’t understand.

He doesn’t understand the world and how cruel it can be.

He doesn’t understand why daddy moved away,

All he knows is his Superman action figure.

His tiny legs look to Superman’s muscularity,

His eyes a full blue wish to be shiny and happy like Superman’s.

The only thing he looks forward to each day,

Is watching Superman save Lois.

Their love so wonderful it makes him wish his Mommy had that.

He wished his step dad would save her instead of make her cry and turn her skin purple and black.

Why can’t Daddy be Superman?

Why can’t he save Mommy when she cries every night?

Why can’t he open the closet he is kept in,

When Mommy doesn’t want his step dad hurting him too.

Doesn’t he love Mommy anymore?

Mommy says there is no more Daddy,

That he has to find another man to believe in.

The little boy yearns for a hero,

Someone like Superman,

To save him from this wretched life of his.

The next day he starts school for the first time.

He meets a man named Klark Kent.

He is the boys Kindergarten teacher,

No he isn’t Superman but to the little boy he is.

The boy stops crying, turns his pain into determination to succeed.

He now has his hero,

Mr. Kent, his teacher.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2003

Just another day, a poem by Tabatha

Feet deep within the earth’s divine soil,

I reach out my arms,

Lift my heart,

Center my thoughts to feel the pitter-pattering on my soul,

Like I have starved for the touch of anything, or anyone to make me feel again.

My soul secretly yearns for the sun’s

Warm welcoming rays.

The way it dries up each droplet of pain

So no one can see, and I can continue wearing a mask.

I dig deeper

Filling my soul with hope, desire and drench my sorrows as the cold creeps in.

Unwelcome, unworthy, not capable of being loved.

Center my thoughts

Love the shallow pool around my naked feet, as if it were my solace..

My only way to ever really feel again.

Somehow the emptiness, the loneliness quells inside my brain and puts its dark sticky web around my golden heart,

While it numbs itself in my thoughts,

So I can function.

When did life become about merely being able to function..

Slowly melting into the earth,

I put on a happy face,

Let my positive nature and hopeful heart shine through.

So no one will see,

No one will question

The droplets of rain still hanging onto my hair,

To my cheek and freezing my fingers.

Subtle reminders that I am not okay, but I am strong and will go on.

Let the sun warm my bones and the love in the world and potential for a good day transform me.

Just another day…

Another day.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour written 3/20/19