Deep in my mind, a poem by Tabatha

Soft to the touch, your hair falls in your eyes.

I brush it back and kiss your forehead.

I catch myself staring into your eyes and losing myself in them.

There’s so much beauty in your eyes.

I feel drawn to lean in close and feel your breath on my lips.

Your hand moves slowly up my body, tracing every curve and valley like you want to remember every part of me.

I don’t stop you, I love the way you touch me.

The way you pay attention to every part of me drives me crazy.

I lean close again to take your earlobe in my mouth, then move to your neck to place my lips gently there.

Your heartbeat speeds up, I can feel it thumping eagerly.

Your hand reaches my shoulder, sending tingles down my spine.

We share a kiss and I pull away biting your lip.

Holding back is not my strong suit, but I want to take my time with you.

You navigate to my neck, sending more shivers as I feel your lips hot and moist.

I reach down and touch your face, cupping your chin with my hands and kiss your forehead and each eyelid.

You laugh like this is bizarre.

You don’t even know how hard I am holding back.

I feel your cold fingertips and place your hands in mine to warm them.

We pull away to take a breath,

I see your soul through your eyes,

They are a portal to everything you want to say, everything you have said and what you are about to do next.

I stare at your lips to keep myself at bay,

Soft, inviting and I can’t help but reach out,

Touching them with a finger I trace your nose and marvel at how wonderfully you were created.

From the depths of your soul to your beautiful sculpted nose.

I could paint you with my eyes closed, I thought.

I could become blind at this very moment and know every inch of your body.

You are my cloud nine tonight.

I love being here with you driving each other crazy and slowing down to enjoy..

Every..

Moment.

The candle flickers next to the bed,

Your shirtless frame inches from me.

I yearn to show you how much you mean to me,

I kiss your fingertips and make you smile.

That smile..

That brought me to your side the moment I met you.

That smile that runs through my head late at night,

Your eyes seem to glow in the candles soft glow,

I can’t breathe in anticipation..

“Tabatha? Wake up!”

I open my eyes to realize I am lying in bed..

Alone.

I can still feel your lips on mine..

It was all a dream,

For now.

Dreaming of you deep in my mind.

My Sunshine

The moment I laid eyes on you,

My world changed forever.

Colors became instantly brighter,

Smells and sounds more intense.

It was like living life through a different lens.

My every move, every breath was for you and your happiness.

They put you in my arms after you were born, your tiny body weighing only six pounds.

I remember being so afraid,

So afraid I would hold my precious jewel wrong or not be the Momma you hoped for.

Now I live every day to be the Momma you hoped for.

My reason for living became clear to me,

And I vowed to never leave your side,

To make you happy and comfortable in life ,

And support you in whatever you wanted to do.

I would spend hours just breathing you in,

Kissing your baby smooth forehead and playing with your beautiful blonde locks in between my fingers.

I would hold you close and feel your little heartbeat and smile to myself at how lucky I am.

The word “love” took on an entirely new meaning the moment you entered my life.

With that love, I promise I will love you unconditionally, support you in your dreams and help you see how wonderful you are always.

You just never cease to amaze me with your intelligence and how quickly you learn.

You make my heart swell with pride because you have such a kind heart and care for those around you.

You are caring, always offering a hug when you feel someone is sad with your little arms and kissing their hand or cheek.

I couldn’t have asked for a better son,

My sunshine.

I look forward to watching you grow into a man,

I know you will do big things, Luke.

Always believe in yourself,

Don’t have regrets because we all make mistakes and live life to the fullest with your eyes full of wonder and love.

You are stronger than you will ever know and can do anything your little heart desires,

don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Cherish your big heart and guard it when needed.

I will always be here for you my sunshine.

You are my heart living outside my chest. You are my world and my life.

Love Momma,

Tabatha

My love for Pablo Neruda

One of my favorite poets of all time is Pablo Neruda. His poetry speaks to me in ways that I cannot put words to and he has a way of bringing forth so many feelings and thoughts from me. I love to read his work when I am in need of some healing or inspiration for whatever I am going through so I wanted to share one of my favorites here.

It is called “Sonnet XVII”

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

by Pablo Neruda

https://m.poemhunter.com/poem/sonnet-xvii/

So incredible …

Just another day, a poem by Tabatha

Feet deep within the earth’s divine soil,

I reach out my arms,

Lift my heart,

Center my thoughts to feel the pitter-pattering on my soul,

Like I have starved for the touch of anything, or anyone to make me feel again.

My soul secretly yearns for the sun’s

Warm welcoming rays.

The way it dries up each droplet of pain

So no one can see, and I can continue wearing a mask.

I dig deeper

Filling my soul with hope, desire and drench my sorrows as the cold creeps in.

Unwelcome, unworthy, not capable of being loved.

Center my thoughts

Love the shallow pool around my naked feet, as if it were my solace..

My only way to ever really feel again.

Somehow the emptiness, the loneliness quells inside my brain and puts its dark sticky web around my golden heart,

While it numbs itself in my thoughts,

So I can function.

When did life become about merely being able to function..

Slowly melting into the earth,

I put on a happy face,

Let my positive nature and hopeful heart shine through.

So no one will see,

No one will question

The droplets of rain still hanging onto my hair,

To my cheek and freezing my fingers.

Subtle reminders that I am not okay, but I am strong and will go on.

Let the sun warm my bones and the love in the world and potential for a good day transform me.

Just another day…

Another day.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour written 3/20/19

Your essence, a poem by Tabatha

The sun’s light creeps slowly up to you.

Your face, once shadowed and dark

Now illuminated in golden beauty.

Your eyelashes as soft in color as smoke,

Behind them: eyes of glorious blue hidden by an eyelid or two.

I reach out and lift your chin,

Your warm lips invite me to trespass.

No longer are we in darkness.

Body, soul and mind unite at once

With this simple yet breathtaking moment.

I kiss you tenderly and mild.

Not to disturb you, I back away.

Soft, shallow breaths escape your lungs.

Your chest rises and falls with mine.

In this moment I know I love you.

Your hair of gold shimmers

As the sun drapes itself across you.

A splash of brown here or there,

Perfect like a colorful painting.

I come across your nakedness,

And the muscularity of your shoulders.

I wish I was nestled in that spot now,

Feeling your heart beating next to my ear,

As I smiled to myself, enchanted.

Can’t look away, I’m too intrigued.

I force my eyes to close in utter discontent.

Tears find way to my eyelids, press themselves out.

The sunlight warms my face,

Evaporates my tears as simply as they fall.

My mouth whispers gently “I love you”

Open my eyes, see you looking at me

With piercing eyes that search my soul.

Your lips form a smile, arms pulling me close.

Your hair tickles my forehead as we kiss.

We lie together close and warm.

“Don’t cry” I hear you say,

Your voice like caramel, oh so smooth.

“I love you too”

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2009

Bare existence, a poem by Tabatha

Pick at me to death,

Judge my ever word, every move.

You got me all wrong,

You don’t see who I am.

Misconceptions of every kind,

You stab at me with your eyes.

I cry into a muffled night,

Darkness consumes my heart.

Lying here to die,

For an injustice of your mind.

I’m too stealthy, too quick.

My words cut your conscience

Like a hot blade on ice.

Can’t take these words back,

I never meant to make you cry.

It’s brutal honesty,

In the rawest form.

Now I rot here forever

Caged, naked..

My mind raped and scarcely breathing.

Let me out , let me be me.

You have the damn key.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2008

Absence, a poem by Tabatha

The cold covers like a blanket,

Your warmth an inviting embrace.

A tear burns as it simmers my cheek.

Your presence beside me: heavenly.

I don’t love you just for who you are,

But who I am when I am with you.

Death reaches across the room to put me in its horrific grip.

You are there to make me believe,

With you I want to be better.

You see what no one sees,

You have found the good in me.

Your absence how it tears me apart.

My heart lies within your hands,

My head level with the ground.

I spit up blood, cough up dirt

While you let me wonder.

Where did you go?

Was this ever real?

I can’t see anything but darkness,

I know you are my light.

Your face is all I want to see,

Feeling your arms around me

Such a tempting little treat

To make me rise above my fall.

You had your chance to stay,

You left and pronounced your love.

Why must I then lie in darkness,

My only light distinguished by tears

And my fears escaping my body

Are there for you to trap.

Breathe life into me,

Don’t leave me like this.

Find me or I’m gone forever to sea.

Written after my first big heartbreak 2008.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour

Stay here (Part II), a TBT poem by Tabatha

If I told you I love you

Would it change it all?

Am I so wrong to want to make it work?

Am I fighting for a lost cause?

Your tears shouldn’t be falling,

I should be there to wipe them away.

So sick of the distance, the absence,

Hearing your voice through the answering machine.

I’m so lost without your hands to guide me.

My hands are so cold,

They need to be wrapped with yours.

I’m beating myself up over this,

My heart is so bruised

You are healing all the while.

What if I loved you?

Would it bring us back?

Or would it make it worse?

Tell me the truth

Written in 2008, at the end of my first engagement.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour

Don’t go (Part I), a TBT poem by Tabatha

Don’t let go of me yet,

I don’t want to go right now

Not like this, not like this.

Please don’t cry those tears,

I have plenty of my own-

Here on my shirt so softly they fall.

We both knew this day would arrive,

Yet the time went by so fast.

Hold me like it was yesterday

And like we had forever,

And like we had forever.

Kiss me with those lips full of passion

And hold my hand tightly.

The distance will be hard,

But I know we can make it.

I love you , you love me.

We part as the bell rings.

I walk away and I see you cry.

I never wanted to say goodbye,

Yet it’s all I can do.

Written on the last day before departing for Basic training with the Navy 2005

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2005