My path, a poem by Tabatha

Slick wet vines leading to the garden of opportunity,

Here and there is a thorn,

Remnants of the rose bush that once grew there.

The rose bush that tore my pant legs,

Sneaking out to freedom in my youth.

I could climb the vines to the other side,

Or I could dig beneath where the twisted roots lie.

One is full of pain but worthwhile,

The other is easy but tricky to navigate.

The twisted roots are full of memories,

That drag me into their web of uncertainty,

Lies upon lies..

That have built around each other over time.

I chose the path that is harder,

One where I must be agile and quick witted,

Believe in my abilities and let the slick wet vine slip from time to time,

Because that is humility..

It means I am human.

The sun and green grass are visible,

Just beyond my reach.

My heart is young and fragile.

I must make it unbreakable and solid,

If I will survive among the rough seas?

Of the new life I have chosen.

I am reminded of the rose bush and my childhood,

Never taking the easy way out,

Pushing through whatever came my way.

Using this as motivation I get passed the first bundle of vines,

Slipping each time I doubt myself.

After forever it seems,

My face is warmed by the sun,

My body aches but my heart smiles.

What adventure awaits?

We shall see!

Nightmare, a poem by Tabatha

The taste of your lips,

The cold of your touch.

You smile at me, burn my face

With your lava fingertips.

Your mouth opens to speak,

Smooth caramel colored lava covers my ears,

Razor blades slash at my arms.

I walk into your black painted room,

My body a grey color and yours the only colorful one.

We talk a bit,

Each word I feel a nagging at my arm.

The trigger now pulled,

You lie back on your bed.

White splattered on the wall,

All over me and my gaping mouth.

Your body looks unharmed and peaceful.

I walk away backwards stepping quietly in horror.

You stand and slowly follow,

I see your eyes of pure white,

Your grin of rotting teeth and bleeding gums stops the breath in my chest.

I start to run and you slash at my legs

With your sword of lies.

I hit the ground and you decapitate me with that wicked smile on your face.

My head rolls to the bedside, mouth open and my face pained.

My eyes cry black tears,

Blinking through them I see you.

We are sitting in your room again,

Nothing out of the ordinary.

I frown and you laugh “What’s the matter babe”?

I see the familiar sparkle in your eyes and feel the caramel smooth drawl of yours that charms me every time.

I sigh softly and lie back,

Just a dream.. just a really bad dream.

I gaze up to the ceiling and turn my head to face you.

Your eyes begin to melt as you laugh,

Smelling of death and sin.

You reach out and touch my face,

Burning my face like charcoal.

I began to scream and wake alone in the dark.

I lie awake afraid to sleep..

Ever again..

Deep in my mind, a poem by Tabatha

Soft to the touch, your hair falls in your eyes.

I brush it back and kiss your forehead.

I catch myself staring into your eyes and losing myself in them.

There’s so much beauty in your eyes.

I feel drawn to lean in close and feel your breath on my lips.

Your hand moves slowly up my body, tracing every curve and valley like you want to remember every part of me.

I don’t stop you, I love the way you touch me.

The way you pay attention to every part of me drives me crazy.

I lean close again to take your earlobe in my mouth, then move to your neck to place my lips gently there.

Your heartbeat speeds up, I can feel it thumping eagerly.

Your hand reaches my shoulder, sending tingles down my spine.

We share a kiss and I pull away biting your lip.

Holding back is not my strong suit, but I want to take my time with you.

You navigate to my neck, sending more shivers as I feel your lips hot and moist.

I reach down and touch your face, cupping your chin with my hands and kiss your forehead and each eyelid.

You laugh like this is bizarre.

You don’t even know how hard I am holding back.

I feel your cold fingertips and place your hands in mine to warm them.

We pull away to take a breath,

I see your soul through your eyes,

They are a portal to everything you want to say, everything you have said and what you are about to do next.

I stare at your lips to keep myself at bay,

Soft, inviting and I can’t help but reach out,

Touching them with a finger I trace your nose and marvel at how wonderfully you were created.

From the depths of your soul to your beautiful sculpted nose.

I could paint you with my eyes closed, I thought.

I could become blind at this very moment and know every inch of your body.

You are my cloud nine tonight.

I love being here with you driving each other crazy and slowing down to enjoy..

Every..

Moment.

The candle flickers next to the bed,

Your shirtless frame inches from me.

I yearn to show you how much you mean to me,

I kiss your fingertips and make you smile.

That smile..

That brought me to your side the moment I met you.

That smile that runs through my head late at night,

Your eyes seem to glow in the candles soft glow,

I can’t breathe in anticipation..

“Tabatha? Wake up!”

I open my eyes to realize I am lying in bed..

Alone.

I can still feel your lips on mine..

It was all a dream,

For now.

Dreaming of you deep in my mind.

Darkness, a poem by Tabatha

The darkness is calming,

I love to sit in my dark room

Listening to music soft and slow.

Why is everyone afraid of the dark?

It makes me feel serene,

Nothing to see but the black emptiness, cold but full of a quiet unlike any other.

It’s easy to think about things in the darkness,

There’s nothing to advert my thoughts,

No one can see me and I can’t see them.

The only sound other than music is my breathing and the sound of my heart

Beating eagerly in my chest.

Why must we always have a light on?

We could see the beautiful stars,

The reflection of the moon on the river

If you would be willing to enjoy this darkness.

Look out at the city below and all their lights,

They have their joy and I have mine.

In the darkness I blend in,

No one can gawk at me like I’m a freak,

I don’t have to deal with the stares, all the eyes:

It’s just me with the best camouflage for this kind shade of light.

Me and my heartbeat

Me and my breathing.

Come, join me in the darkness and let’s melt away with the quiet still of the night;

Letting our hands clasp and our hearts beat as one.

In the darkness.

Little boy meets teacher, a poem by Tabatha

Life as we know it ceases to exist,

All for the little boy who cries.

He is in pain, he doesn’t understand.

He doesn’t understand the world and how cruel it can be.

He doesn’t understand why daddy moved away,

All he knows is his Superman action figure.

His tiny legs look to Superman’s muscularity,

His eyes a full blue wish to be shiny and happy like Superman’s.

The only thing he looks forward to each day,

Is watching Superman save Lois.

Their love so wonderful it makes him wish his Mommy had that.

He wished his step dad would save her instead of make her cry and turn her skin purple and black.

Why can’t Daddy be Superman?

Why can’t he save Mommy when she cries every night?

Why can’t he open the closet he is kept in,

When Mommy doesn’t want his step dad hurting him too.

Doesn’t he love Mommy anymore?

Mommy says there is no more Daddy,

That he has to find another man to believe in.

The little boy yearns for a hero,

Someone like Superman,

To save him from this wretched life of his.

The next day he starts school for the first time.

He meets a man named Klark Kent.

He is the boys Kindergarten teacher,

No he isn’t Superman but to the little boy he is.

The boy stops crying, turns his pain into determination to succeed.

He now has his hero,

Mr. Kent, his teacher.

Invisible, a poem by Tabatha

I just want to disappear, be invisible.

To not be seen nor heard.

Just bask in the sun,

Let the pain drain into the earth with the swirls of mist gather around me.

Let the now falling rain wash my face

Wash the mud that splatters my heart.

It drains from my pores and soils the earth.

All the sorrow, all the heartache.

Everything I have ever cried over is flowing into the earth beneath my feet.

Maybe a flower will grow there,

Maybe someone will see,

That I have existed, loved and lost and tried,

Maybe they will see my traces of life there.

For now I just want to be invisible.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2008

A kiss in the rain, a poem by Tabatha

Rain drops, they do fall

On two lovers outside amid the cold,

Mouths together and warm.

They don’t feel the breeze at all.

As the rain pelts down hard,

Upon their hair, eyelids, nose

A trickle of water runs over their lips

Met by tongues tasting each other.

The pure passion and sincerity felt,

Would never drive them from the cold,

This moment was theirs,

A sheer moment of heaven and earth indeed.

Their love seemed to blossom,

In the springtime rain today.

Romantic and charming

He held her tight to him,

Her hand in his.

Their kisses so passionate, so sweet.

Like tasting cotton candy for the first time.

A love so feel magnified by the sun

Peeking out through the rain clouds.

So lost in each other

They remained until the sun dried them both,

Oblivious to the world around them and yearned to kiss again in the rain.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2009

Bare existence, a poem by Tabatha

Pick at me to death,

Judge my ever word, every move.

You got me all wrong,

You don’t see who I am.

Misconceptions of every kind,

You stab at me with your eyes.

I cry into a muffled night,

Darkness consumes my heart.

Lying here to die,

For an injustice of your mind.

I’m too stealthy, too quick.

My words cut your conscience

Like a hot blade on ice.

Can’t take these words back,

I never meant to make you cry.

It’s brutal honesty,

In the rawest form.

Now I rot here forever

Caged, naked..

My mind raped and scarcely breathing.

Let me out , let me be me.

You have the damn key.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2008

Stay here (Part II), a TBT poem by Tabatha

If I told you I love you

Would it change it all?

Am I so wrong to want to make it work?

Am I fighting for a lost cause?

Your tears shouldn’t be falling,

I should be there to wipe them away.

So sick of the distance, the absence,

Hearing your voice through the answering machine.

I’m so lost without your hands to guide me.

My hands are so cold,

They need to be wrapped with yours.

I’m beating myself up over this,

My heart is so bruised

You are healing all the while.

What if I loved you?

Would it bring us back?

Or would it make it worse?

Tell me the truth

Written in 2008, at the end of my first engagement.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour

Don’t go (Part I), a TBT poem by Tabatha

Don’t let go of me yet,

I don’t want to go right now

Not like this, not like this.

Please don’t cry those tears,

I have plenty of my own-

Here on my shirt so softly they fall.

We both knew this day would arrive,

Yet the time went by so fast.

Hold me like it was yesterday

And like we had forever,

And like we had forever.

Kiss me with those lips full of passion

And hold my hand tightly.

The distance will be hard,

But I know we can make it.

I love you , you love me.

We part as the bell rings.

I walk away and I see you cry.

I never wanted to say goodbye,

Yet it’s all I can do.

Written on the last day before departing for Basic training with the Navy 2005

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2005