Just another day, a poem by Tabatha

Feet deep within the earth’s divine soil,

I reach out my arms,

Lift my heart,

Center my thoughts to feel the pitter-pattering on my soul,

Like I have starved for the touch of anything, or anyone to make me feel again.

My soul secretly yearns for the sun’s

Warm welcoming rays.

The way it dries up each droplet of pain

So no one can see, and I can continue wearing a mask.

I dig deeper

Filling my soul with hope, desire and drench my sorrows as the cold creeps in.

Unwelcome, unworthy, not capable of being loved.

Center my thoughts

Love the shallow pool around my naked feet, as if it were my solace..

My only way to ever really feel again.

Somehow the emptiness, the loneliness quells inside my brain and puts its dark sticky web around my golden heart,

While it numbs itself in my thoughts,

So I can function.

When did life become about merely being able to function..

Slowly melting into the earth,

I put on a happy face,

Let my positive nature and hopeful heart shine through.

So no one will see,

No one will question

The droplets of rain still hanging onto my hair,

To my cheek and freezing my fingers.

Subtle reminders that I am not okay, but I am strong and will go on.

Let the sun warm my bones and the love in the world and potential for a good day transform me.

Just another day…

Another day.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour written 3/20/19

Invisible, a poem by Tabatha

I just want to disappear, be invisible.

To not be seen nor heard.

Just bask in the sun,

Let the pain drain into the earth with the swirls of mist gather around me.

Let the now falling rain wash my face

Wash the mud that splatters my heart.

It drains from my pores and soils the earth.

All the sorrow, all the heartache.

Everything I have ever cried over is flowing into the earth beneath my feet.

Maybe a flower will grow there,

Maybe someone will see,

That I have existed, loved and lost and tried,

Maybe they will see my traces of life there.

For now I just want to be invisible.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2008

A kiss in the rain, a poem by Tabatha

Rain drops, they do fall

On two lovers outside amid the cold,

Mouths together and warm.

They don’t feel the breeze at all.

As the rain pelts down hard,

Upon their hair, eyelids, nose

A trickle of water runs over their lips

Met by tongues tasting each other.

The pure passion and sincerity felt,

Would never drive them from the cold,

This moment was theirs,

A sheer moment of heaven and earth indeed.

Their love seemed to blossom,

In the springtime rain today.

Romantic and charming

He held her tight to him,

Her hand in his.

Their kisses so passionate, so sweet.

Like tasting cotton candy for the first time.

A love so feel magnified by the sun

Peeking out through the rain clouds.

So lost in each other

They remained until the sun dried them both,

Oblivious to the world around them and yearned to kiss again in the rain.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2009

Your essence, a poem by Tabatha

The sun’s light creeps slowly up to you.

Your face, once shadowed and dark

Now illuminated in golden beauty.

Your eyelashes as soft in color as smoke,

Behind them: eyes of glorious blue hidden by an eyelid or two.

I reach out and lift your chin,

Your warm lips invite me to trespass.

No longer are we in darkness.

Body, soul and mind unite at once

With this simple yet breathtaking moment.

I kiss you tenderly and mild.

Not to disturb you, I back away.

Soft, shallow breaths escape your lungs.

Your chest rises and falls with mine.

In this moment I know I love you.

Your hair of gold shimmers

As the sun drapes itself across you.

A splash of brown here or there,

Perfect like a colorful painting.

I come across your nakedness,

And the muscularity of your shoulders.

I wish I was nestled in that spot now,

Feeling your heart beating next to my ear,

As I smiled to myself, enchanted.

Can’t look away, I’m too intrigued.

I force my eyes to close in utter discontent.

Tears find way to my eyelids, press themselves out.

The sunlight warms my face,

Evaporates my tears as simply as they fall.

My mouth whispers gently “I love you”

Open my eyes, see you looking at me

With piercing eyes that search my soul.

Your lips form a smile, arms pulling me close.

Your hair tickles my forehead as we kiss.

We lie together close and warm.

“Don’t cry” I hear you say,

Your voice like caramel, oh so smooth.

“I love you too”

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2009

Bare existence, a poem by Tabatha

Pick at me to death,

Judge my ever word, every move.

You got me all wrong,

You don’t see who I am.

Misconceptions of every kind,

You stab at me with your eyes.

I cry into a muffled night,

Darkness consumes my heart.

Lying here to die,

For an injustice of your mind.

I’m too stealthy, too quick.

My words cut your conscience

Like a hot blade on ice.

Can’t take these words back,

I never meant to make you cry.

It’s brutal honesty,

In the rawest form.

Now I rot here forever

Caged, naked..

My mind raped and scarcely breathing.

Let me out , let me be me.

You have the damn key.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2008

Absence, a poem by Tabatha

The cold covers like a blanket,

Your warmth an inviting embrace.

A tear burns as it simmers my cheek.

Your presence beside me: heavenly.

I don’t love you just for who you are,

But who I am when I am with you.

Death reaches across the room to put me in its horrific grip.

You are there to make me believe,

With you I want to be better.

You see what no one sees,

You have found the good in me.

Your absence how it tears me apart.

My heart lies within your hands,

My head level with the ground.

I spit up blood, cough up dirt

While you let me wonder.

Where did you go?

Was this ever real?

I can’t see anything but darkness,

I know you are my light.

Your face is all I want to see,

Feeling your arms around me

Such a tempting little treat

To make me rise above my fall.

You had your chance to stay,

You left and pronounced your love.

Why must I then lie in darkness,

My only light distinguished by tears

And my fears escaping my body

Are there for you to trap.

Breathe life into me,

Don’t leave me like this.

Find me or I’m gone forever to sea.

Written after my first big heartbreak 2008.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour

Stay here (Part II), a TBT poem by Tabatha

If I told you I love you

Would it change it all?

Am I so wrong to want to make it work?

Am I fighting for a lost cause?

Your tears shouldn’t be falling,

I should be there to wipe them away.

So sick of the distance, the absence,

Hearing your voice through the answering machine.

I’m so lost without your hands to guide me.

My hands are so cold,

They need to be wrapped with yours.

I’m beating myself up over this,

My heart is so bruised

You are healing all the while.

What if I loved you?

Would it bring us back?

Or would it make it worse?

Tell me the truth

Written in 2008, at the end of my first engagement.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour