How does one explain the pain of betrayal with words?

It seems this task is impossible as it is felt with the heart so deep,

So deep and painful that when it rises to the surface..

It causes a Stifled breath and tears to ebb forth.

Everything becomes blurry and the sadness that ensues is not something to put a word to.

How then does one explain putting on a mask,

Because life requires one?

How does one stop the questions,

The incessant nagging of self doubt from emerging.

How does one lie in bed next to the one who betrayed them..

Talk on the phone or say “I love you”

When those words create a pain so deep and the mind to immediately scream out

“no, you don’t love me, you love the idea of me.”

“You love the picturesque image of what having me by your side looks like”

At the end of this painful journey,

I will have known this pain and learned what it means,

I will hopefully have found a solution that sets my soul at ease,

Cut out the toxic people who cause pain and find my self worth when it seems like it will never return.

I will take the dirty looks and hurtful words

With understanding and poise.

This is what I hope for,

But how to speak my mind within the pain

That I cannot explain.

Perhaps one day I will.

Put words to a pain that’s so unthinkable,

One that I never thought I would have.

Yet now I face head on.