How does one explain the pain of betrayal with words?

It seems this task is impossible as it is felt with the heart so deep,

So deep and painful that when it rises to the surface..

It causes a Stifled breath and tears to ebb forth.

Everything becomes blurry and the sadness that ensues is not something to put a word to.

How then does one explain putting on a mask,

Because life requires one?

How does one stop the questions,

The incessant nagging of self doubt from emerging.

How does one lie in bed next to the one who betrayed them..

Talk on the phone or say “I love you”

When those words create a pain so deep and the mind to immediately scream out

“no, you don’t love me, you love the idea of me.”

“You love the picturesque image of what having me by your side looks like”

At the end of this painful journey,

I will have known this pain and learned what it means,

I will hopefully have found a solution that sets my soul at ease,

Cut out the toxic people who cause pain and find my self worth when it seems like it will never return.

I will take the dirty looks and hurtful words

With understanding and poise.

This is what I hope for,

But how to speak my mind within the pain

That I cannot explain.

Perhaps one day I will.

Put words to a pain that’s so unthinkable,

One that I never thought I would have.

Yet now I face head on.


Smile behind the mask

In a sea of plain expressions.

Fake laughs color the walls,

The paint peeling from injections.

A party designed to impress,

Hide the darkness,

Paint over the rust,

Put on your best dress,

The wall hides your beauty,

Flirt with the masses he must.

Waterproof mascara,

Is a girls true best friend.

A ring on a finger or two,

A paper signed.

Oaths and vows.

One heart blinded by love,

One with an agenda, drunken lies.

Excel spreadsheet life.


Hold the mask on tight.

Loving heart in a dark molded room.

Breaks the chains-

Free thoughts

Free mind.

Smile, laugh and gain inner happiness

For the first time in years.

Mask held on with sweat and tears,

Gripped with tired hands,

In a room with newfound light and colors.

Heart full, eyes fully see.

Deviation to spreadsheet

Changed everything.

Made one better,

The other showed colors of truth.

Never the same again.

Written by Tabatha Goughneour June 2019