She who wears the crown

Smile easily,

Follow the intricately laid plan.

No deviations, no tears.

Hold it together.

Picture perfect Instagram story.

Choose words wisely,

The crown must not tip,

Your smile must stay sincere.

Not one line or hair out of place.

Do as expected,

You are not allowed

Feelings, choices, thought.

Unappreciated, rhythmic routine to stay sane.

Used, let the feelings stay in your heart-

Never let them show.

Heart shatters inside.

Mind, body and spirit screaming,

Heart aching for a happier time.

Not time yet.

Must maintain.

Written by Tabatha Goughneour , June 2019

Mask

Smile behind the mask

In a sea of plain expressions.

Fake laughs color the walls,

The paint peeling from injections.

A party designed to impress,

Hide the darkness,

Paint over the rust,

Put on your best dress,

The wall hides your beauty,

Flirt with the masses he must.

Waterproof mascara,

Is a girls true best friend.

A ring on a finger or two,

A paper signed.

Oaths and vows.

One heart blinded by love,

One with an agenda, drunken lies.

Excel spreadsheet life.

Lies,

Hold the mask on tight.

Loving heart in a dark molded room.

Breaks the chains-

Free thoughts

Free mind.

Smile, laugh and gain inner happiness

For the first time in years.

Mask held on with sweat and tears,

Gripped with tired hands,

In a room with newfound light and colors.

Heart full, eyes fully see.

Deviation to spreadsheet

Changed everything.

Made one better,

The other showed colors of truth.

Never the same again.

Written by Tabatha Goughneour June 2019

The one that got away..

Slipped right through,

Time’s click on the clock

Should have been the hour hand,

Not the minute hand.

Opportunity for a real love

Beyond expectations

In a life full of love, hope, passion.

Too fast, time passed right on by.

Quiet moments that shall have been loud,

Full of music, cups of coffee, poetry nights at Old Bayleys.

Forbidden, fear of rejection, bad timing.

The biggest regrets plague hearts.

Two hearts that would have been one.

One.

One beating, rhythmic heart in two bodies.

Forever.

Written by: Tabatha Goughneour , 2019

Painting: Salvador Dali

Forbidden dreams

Forbidden are the dreams that taunt us,

Luring us into sinful thoughts.

A lover’s kiss,

Momentary bliss

That leaves the taste of joy on one’s lips.

A lasting taste that lingers for days,

Pressing lips upon skin

In places only dreams can reveal.

Embarrassed, inability to talk

As memory serves delicious playback

Of a good night’s dream.

Forbidden.

Only living in the subconscious,

Beckoning them back for more.

Written by Tabatha Goughneour, 2019

Pier 49

The waves slosh across the sand,

Making soft innocent sand harden.

Our sand.

Sand that filled every empty space between your fingers,

As you showed me the seashell beneath.

The waves crash against the rocky caverns beside me,

Echoing so loud my body trembles at the sound.

Our caverns.

Shallow water covering the ground

Like an inviting blanket of sin.

Beckoning is in that night out of the storm.

“Let’s seek shelter there”

You murmur,

Cold hands gripping mine.

We talked til the morning sun dried up

All the puddles outside,

Every crystal within the sand

Proudly shining to meet the sun’s rays.

Proud.

Proudly we walked hand in hand,

Unafraid of our new found love.

All the sailboats and tourists,

Lined up nicely in a row.

Cameras out for a big show.

Behind the caverns,

Where the moss covered green

Covers the rocks like a bad painting,

You kiss me gently.

Gently, like the crab who pitter patters beside me.

He fills this emptiness with his sound.

The sun on my skin warms my heart,

Deep down it dries my sadness

As it welcomes a brighter day.

A time forgotten.

Kisses, laughter, innocent moments

Of first loves still framed memories.

The waves crash quietly into my toes,

Reminding me it’s time to leave.

Leave my sad thoughts to sea,

Like you left me.

By: Tabatha Goughneour 2019

Sleeping near sunshine

Falling asleep next to him,

Holding his little hand close to my heart,

Fills me with happy tears.

I move my hand away to let his little arm rest on his side,

He grabs for my hand again.

His long blonde hair falling over his shoulders,

So soft to the touch.

I can’t contain my emotions,

Clear as day falling to my shirt.

I have never knew love like the love for a child,

This child..

That I created and who changed my life forever,

This happy ray of sunshine,

Who can turn any frown into a smile,

And who has the biggest most beautiful heart.

His little chest rising and falling with each breath,

His smile from time to time tells me

Of his dreams of adventure and happiness.

I soak these moments in,

Feelings his little hand in mine,

Brushing his hair from his face,

Hugging him tight because I know,

Soon he will be too big to hold my hand.

Too big to want to snuggle.

Every

Single

Moment

Is beautiful with him in my life.

I will never take him for granted.

My path, a poem by Tabatha

Slick wet vines leading to the garden of opportunity,

Here and there is a thorn,

Remnants of the rose bush that once grew there.

The rose bush that tore my pant legs,

Sneaking out to freedom in my youth.

I could climb the vines to the other side,

Or I could dig beneath where the twisted roots lie.

One is full of pain but worthwhile,

The other is easy but tricky to navigate.

The twisted roots are full of memories,

That drag me into their web of uncertainty,

Lies upon lies..

That have built around each other over time.

I chose the path that is harder,

One where I must be agile and quick witted,

Believe in my abilities and let the slick wet vine slip from time to time,

Because that is humility..

It means I am human.

The sun and green grass are visible,

Just beyond my reach.

My heart is young and fragile.

I must make it unbreakable and solid,

If I will survive among the rough seas?

Of the new life I have chosen.

I am reminded of the rose bush and my childhood,

Never taking the easy way out,

Pushing through whatever came my way.

Using this as motivation I get passed the first bundle of vines,

Slipping each time I doubt myself.

After forever it seems,

My face is warmed by the sun,

My body aches but my heart smiles.

What adventure awaits?

We shall see!

Nightmare, a poem by Tabatha

The taste of your lips,

The cold of your touch.

You smile at me, burn my face

With your lava fingertips.

Your mouth opens to speak,

Smooth caramel colored lava covers my ears,

Razor blades slash at my arms.

I walk into your black painted room,

My body a grey color and yours the only colorful one.

We talk a bit,

Each word I feel a nagging at my arm.

The trigger now pulled,

You lie back on your bed.

White splattered on the wall,

All over me and my gaping mouth.

Your body looks unharmed and peaceful.

I walk away backwards stepping quietly in horror.

You stand and slowly follow,

I see your eyes of pure white,

Your grin of rotting teeth and bleeding gums stops the breath in my chest.

I start to run and you slash at my legs

With your sword of lies.

I hit the ground and you decapitate me with that wicked smile on your face.

My head rolls to the bedside, mouth open and my face pained.

My eyes cry black tears,

Blinking through them I see you.

We are sitting in your room again,

Nothing out of the ordinary.

I frown and you laugh “What’s the matter babe”?

I see the familiar sparkle in your eyes and feel the caramel smooth drawl of yours that charms me every time.

I sigh softly and lie back,

Just a dream.. just a really bad dream.

I gaze up to the ceiling and turn my head to face you.

Your eyes begin to melt as you laugh,

Smelling of death and sin.

You reach out and touch my face,

Burning my face like charcoal.

I began to scream and wake alone in the dark.

I lie awake afraid to sleep..

Ever again..

Deep in my mind, a poem by Tabatha

Soft to the touch, your hair falls in your eyes.

I brush it back and kiss your forehead.

I catch myself staring into your eyes and losing myself in them.

There’s so much beauty in your eyes.

I feel drawn to lean in close and feel your breath on my lips.

Your hand moves slowly up my body, tracing every curve and valley like you want to remember every part of me.

I don’t stop you, I love the way you touch me.

The way you pay attention to every part of me drives me crazy.

I lean close again to take your earlobe in my mouth, then move to your neck to place my lips gently there.

Your heartbeat speeds up, I can feel it thumping eagerly.

Your hand reaches my shoulder, sending tingles down my spine.

We share a kiss and I pull away biting your lip.

Holding back is not my strong suit, but I want to take my time with you.

You navigate to my neck, sending more shivers as I feel your lips hot and moist.

I reach down and touch your face, cupping your chin with my hands and kiss your forehead and each eyelid.

You laugh like this is bizarre.

You don’t even know how hard I am holding back.

I feel your cold fingertips and place your hands in mine to warm them.

We pull away to take a breath,

I see your soul through your eyes,

They are a portal to everything you want to say, everything you have said and what you are about to do next.

I stare at your lips to keep myself at bay,

Soft, inviting and I can’t help but reach out,

Touching them with a finger I trace your nose and marvel at how wonderfully you were created.

From the depths of your soul to your beautiful sculpted nose.

I could paint you with my eyes closed, I thought.

I could become blind at this very moment and know every inch of your body.

You are my cloud nine tonight.

I love being here with you driving each other crazy and slowing down to enjoy..

Every..

Moment.

The candle flickers next to the bed,

Your shirtless frame inches from me.

I yearn to show you how much you mean to me,

I kiss your fingertips and make you smile.

That smile..

That brought me to your side the moment I met you.

That smile that runs through my head late at night,

Your eyes seem to glow in the candles soft glow,

I can’t breathe in anticipation..

“Tabatha? Wake up!”

I open my eyes to realize I am lying in bed..

Alone.

I can still feel your lips on mine..

It was all a dream,

For now.

Dreaming of you deep in my mind.

My Sunshine

The moment I laid eyes on you,

My world changed forever.

Colors became instantly brighter,

Smells and sounds more intense.

It was like living life through a different lens.

My every move, every breath was for you and your happiness.

They put you in my arms after you were born, your tiny body weighing only six pounds.

I remember being so afraid,

So afraid I would hold my precious jewel wrong or not be the Momma you hoped for.

Now I live every day to be the Momma you hoped for.

My reason for living became clear to me,

And I vowed to never leave your side,

To make you happy and comfortable in life ,

And support you in whatever you wanted to do.

I would spend hours just breathing you in,

Kissing your baby smooth forehead and playing with your beautiful blonde locks in between my fingers.

I would hold you close and feel your little heartbeat and smile to myself at how lucky I am.

The word “love” took on an entirely new meaning the moment you entered my life.

With that love, I promise I will love you unconditionally, support you in your dreams and help you see how wonderful you are always.

You just never cease to amaze me with your intelligence and how quickly you learn.

You make my heart swell with pride because you have such a kind heart and care for those around you.

You are caring, always offering a hug when you feel someone is sad with your little arms and kissing their hand or cheek.

I couldn’t have asked for a better son,

My sunshine.

I look forward to watching you grow into a man,

I know you will do big things, Luke.

Always believe in yourself,

Don’t have regrets because we all make mistakes and live life to the fullest with your eyes full of wonder and love.

You are stronger than you will ever know and can do anything your little heart desires,

don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Cherish your big heart and guard it when needed.

I will always be here for you my sunshine.

You are my heart living outside my chest. You are my world and my life.

Love Momma,

Tabatha