My Sunshine

The moment I laid eyes on you,

My world changed forever.

Colors became instantly brighter,

Smells and sounds more intense.

It was like living life through a different lens.

My every move, every breath was for you and your happiness.

They put you in my arms after you were born, your tiny body weighing only six pounds.

I remember being so afraid,

So afraid I would hold my precious jewel wrong or not be the Momma you hoped for.

Now I live every day to be the Momma you hoped for.

My reason for living became clear to me,

And I vowed to never leave your side,

To make you happy and comfortable in life ,

And support you in whatever you wanted to do.

 

I would spend hours just breathing you in,

Kissing your baby smooth forehead and playing with your beautiful blonde locks in between my fingers.

I would hold you close and feel your little heartbeat and smile to myself at how lucky I am.

The word “love” took on an entirely new meaning the moment you entered my life.

With that love, I promise I will love you unconditionally, support you in your dreams and help you see how wonderful you are always.

You just never cease to amaze me with your intelligence and how quickly you learn.

You make my heart swell with pride because you have such a kind heart and care for those around you.

You are caring, always offering a hug when you feel someone is sad with your little arms and kissing their hand or cheek.

I couldn’t have asked for a better son,

My sunshine.

I look forward to watching you grow into a man,

I know you will do big things, Luke.

Always believe in yourself,

Don’t have regrets because we all make mistakes and live life to the fullest with your eyes full of wonder and love.

You are stronger than you will ever know and can do anything your little heart desires,

don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Cherish your big heart and guard it when needed.

I will always be here for you my sunshine.

You are my heart living outside my chest. You are my world and my life.

Love Momma,

Tabatha

(C) Tabatha Goughneour March 2019

 

Darkness, a poem by Tabatha

The darkness is calming,

I love to sit in my dark room

Listening to music soft and slow.

Why is everyone afraid of the dark?

It makes me feel serene,

Nothing to see but the black emptiness, cold but full of a quiet unlike any other.

It’s easy to think about things in the darkness,

There’s nothing to advert my thoughts,

No one can see me and I can’t see them.

The only sound other than music is my breathing and the sound of my heart

Beating eagerly in my chest.

Why must we always have a light on?

We could see the beautiful stars,

The reflection of the moon on the river

If you would be willing to enjoy this darkness.

Look out at the city below and all their lights,

They have their joy and I have mine.

In the darkness I blend in,

No one can gawk at me like I’m a freak,

I don’t have to deal with the stares, all the eyes:

It’s just me with the best camouflage for this kind shade of light.

Me and my heartbeat

Me and my breathing.

Come, join me in the darkness and let’s melt away with the quiet still of the night;

Letting our hands clasp and our hearts beat as one.

In the darkness.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2004

Little boy meets teacher, a poem by Tabatha

Life as we know it ceases to exist,

All for the little boy who cries.

He is in pain, he doesn’t understand.

He doesn’t understand the world and how cruel it can be.

He doesn’t understand why daddy moved away,

All he knows is his Superman action figure.

His tiny legs look to Superman’s muscularity,

His eyes a full blue wish to be shiny and happy like Superman’s.

The only thing he looks forward to each day,

Is watching Superman save Lois.

Their love so wonderful it makes him wish his Mommy had that.

He wished his step dad would save her instead of make her cry and turn her skin purple and black.

Why can’t Daddy be Superman?

Why can’t he save Mommy when she cries every night?

Why can’t he open the closet he is kept in,

When Mommy doesn’t want his step dad hurting him too.

Doesn’t he love Mommy anymore?

Mommy says there is no more Daddy,

That he has to find another man to believe in.

The little boy yearns for a hero,

Someone like Superman,

To save him from this wretched life of his.

The next day he starts school for the first time.

He meets a man named Klark Kent.

He is the boys Kindergarten teacher,

No he isn’t Superman but to the little boy he is.

The boy stops crying, turns his pain into determination to succeed.

He now has his hero,

Mr. Kent, his teacher.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2003

Just another day, a poem by Tabatha

Feet deep within the earth’s divine soil,

I reach out my arms,

Lift my heart,

Center my thoughts to feel the pitter-pattering on my soul,

Like I have starved for the touch of anything, or anyone to make me feel again.

My soul secretly yearns for the sun’s

Warm welcoming rays.

The way it dries up each droplet of pain

So no one can see, and I can continue wearing a mask.

I dig deeper

Filling my soul with hope, desire and drench my sorrows as the cold creeps in.

Unwelcome, unworthy, not capable of being loved.

Center my thoughts

Love the shallow pool around my naked feet, as if it were my solace..

My only way to ever really feel again.

Somehow the emptiness, the loneliness quells inside my brain and puts its dark sticky web around my golden heart,

While it numbs itself in my thoughts,

So I can function.

When did life become about merely being able to function..

Slowly melting into the earth,

I put on a happy face,

Let my positive nature and hopeful heart shine through.

So no one will see,

No one will question

The droplets of rain still hanging onto my hair,

To my cheek and freezing my fingers.

Subtle reminders that I am not okay, but I am strong and will go on.

Let the sun warm my bones and the love in the world and potential for a good day transform me.

Just another day…

Another day.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour written 3/20/19

Invisible, a poem by Tabatha

I just want to disappear, be invisible.

To not be seen nor heard.

Just bask in the sun,

Let the pain drain into the earth with the swirls of mist gather around me.

Let the now falling rain wash my face

Wash the mud that splatters my heart.

It drains from my pores and soils the earth.

All the sorrow, all the heartache.

Everything I have ever cried over is flowing into the earth beneath my feet.

Maybe a flower will grow there,

Maybe someone will see,

That I have existed, loved and lost and tried,

Maybe they will see my traces of life there.

For now I just want to be invisible.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2008

A kiss in the rain, a poem by Tabatha

Rain drops, they do fall

On two lovers outside amid the cold,

Mouths together and warm.

They don’t feel the breeze at all.

As the rain pelts down hard,

Upon their hair, eyelids, nose

A trickle of water runs over their lips

Met by tongues tasting each other.

The pure passion and sincerity felt,

Would never drive them from the cold,

This moment was theirs,

A sheer moment of heaven and earth indeed.

Their love seemed to blossom,

In the springtime rain today.

Romantic and charming

He held her tight to him,

Her hand in his.

Their kisses so passionate, so sweet.

Like tasting cotton candy for the first time.

A love so feel magnified by the sun

Peeking out through the rain clouds.

So lost in each other

They remained until the sun dried them both,

Oblivious to the world around them and yearned to kiss again in the rain.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2009

Bare existence, a poem by Tabatha

Pick at me to death,

Judge my ever word, every move.

You got me all wrong,

You don’t see who I am.

Misconceptions of every kind,

You stab at me with your eyes.

I cry into a muffled night,

Darkness consumes my heart.

Lying here to die,

For an injustice of your mind.

I’m too stealthy, too quick.

My words cut your conscience

Like a hot blade on ice.

Can’t take these words back,

I never meant to make you cry.

It’s brutal honesty,

In the rawest form.

Now I rot here forever

Caged, naked..

My mind raped and scarcely breathing.

Let me out , let me be me.

You have the damn key.

(C) Tabatha Goughneour 2008